Sunday, 28 March 2010

putting away pride was a day for taking the risk! 

I find it quite hard to lie - as in blatant lies, the thought of building this web that becomes more and more intricate as you build lie after lie just to protect the original...only for it all to come crashing down...such a horrible thought! But we all live lives of dishonesty don't we!? Feelings we guard while we wear the smile on our faces, thoughts we daren't say out loud but are how we really feel. 

Today I had to swallow my pride and be honest about something.  I didn't seek out the opportunity to be honest, I'll admit. It crept up on me, attacked me by surprise. I had the chance to handle it in two ways. It felt like hitting a wall, one that looked a little insurmountable, one that I could have said what was needed to avoid the wall altogether and walk back the other way. I really shouldn't have been so surprised.  When you avoid things it's inevitable that if you want to keep moving forward you'll eventually come face to face with it again.

The thought of facing that situation again wasn't very nice. I was honest , in a painfully transparent way. But whilst it hurt it was sort of beautiful at the same time. It hurt my pride tremendously but in it I saw a friendship working out the way they were intended to, with a lot of love and mercy and communication!

After today, I hope that when I face the risk of being brutally honest again I weigh it up and realise the risk is worth it and that wall won't look so unconquerable.


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